reflections on “Gay Chapel Week”

by Rachel Oblak

I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to say in response to this week of chapel messages focusing on “Same Sex Attraction.”

I could pick apart the sermons logically, pointing out the unaccepted enthymemes like declaring that a passage about divorce somehow has anything to do with sexual orientation or attraction, Stephen Jones’ conflicting claims that no sin is worse than another but that some will be punished more harshly, and the hedging in claiming that Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for homosexuality (never mentioned) and other sins (rape is pretty inhospitable).

I could pick them apart psychologically, providing links to studies and stats showing that homosexuality isn’t caused by broken homes, parental absence, or abuse. I could provide sources that show how damaging and ineffective ex-gay therapy and Christian counseling are. I could refute every quote that was used in the chapel messages with dozens of quotes saying the opposite.

I could analyze the passages used both linguistically and historically to show how a theology that doesn’t view being queer as a sin can be and is supported. I could explain how the words used in the New Testament have been mistranslated. I could even make a list of other things that are worthy of death in the Old Testament to highlight how inhumane and implausible following the Old Testament law is for us today.

But I won’t.

I won’t because it wouldn’t matter. There’s nothing I can do that will change your mind. There’s no study or argument or logic that will reach you if you are not willing to reconsider your position in the first place. None of the contradicting sources will matter unless you think they do.

And even if you think they do, you don’t have access to other information. That’s the tragedy of Bob Jones University. They can require you to sit through four days of them telling you their perspective, quoting people they agree with, and interpreting passages the way they think they should be interpreted.

But if you want to check out some other sources, read what others have to say, see what conclusions others have come to . . . you will be flagged and targeted. They’ve isolated you and blocked you from what you would need to make an informed decision, and all you’re left with is blindly accepting what they present or else questioning in secret.

Some of you are already questioning. You’ve noticed the discrepancies, you feel the toxicity, and you’re searching for the answers.

Some of you will get there . . . a year from now, two years, maybe twenty years from now. Something will happen that will make you reconsider your worldview. It will likely be the most painful experience you’ve ever had. You’re going to feel like you’re losing your identity, your religion, your God, even your grasp of reality. You will lose some friends and family members who disown you for merely asking these questions.

I shudder at the memory of that pain, but I am not sorry for you.

I’m glad.

It’s that pain that will set you free. Like the fire that consumes the phoenix so that it can rise again, your pain will be the beginning of your life. You’ll come out, like so many before you, battered and scarred—very, very scarred—but free. You’ll discover in freedom that who you are isn’t bad. Your humanity, your desires—they’re not the enemy. They’re the asset. They’re the gift of God. And you’ll realize that freedom was worth every single tear.

You’ll spend nights hiding under a blanket, fearing that God will send you to hell, but one day you’ll realize that hell is not what lies before you. It’s what you left behind.

And you won’t be alone. For every friend or family member who shuns you for your process, there will be others cheering you on, waiting to embrace you and support you as you learn to think for yourself, discover who God is for yourself, discover who you are for yourself. BJUnity is there for just that.

So I’m not worried for you.

But some of you won’t reach that place, no matter what. You’ll run away from opposing points of view with the same fervor that you cling to what you’ve been taught. You’ll go through life miserable, tortured, and hateful. And it will overflow from your wounded heart to poison everyone else around you.

You’ll marry someone you cannot fully love (or who cannot fully love you), and you’ll suffer through a broken marriage because you’ve been taught to distrust both yourself and others.

You’ll destroy your friendships for the sake of your faith, never bothering to wonder if your faith is perhaps flawed.

You’ll teach your children the same principles you’ve been taught, passing on a legacy of hatred for self and others. And you won’t question whether that hatred is really what God is all about. In fact, you won’t even question whether it is hatred because you’ve been taught to view abuse as love.

Some of you will disown a child, inflicting the worst pain possible on them and yourself, without a second thought. And when a child finally takes their own life because they can’t live with the paradoxical situation that you’ve created for them, some of you won’t even see that you drove them to it.

It’s for you that my heart aches.

So much pain.

But why?

To avoid the discomfort of questioning your own indoctrination.

It’s for you that I weep because you have been taught that you have to fight yourself and your loved ones. You have been taught that love is the enemy. And you’re simply too scared to question, too invested to let go.

I weep for you because I remember what it was like to be like that, and I know what it’s like to be free from that.

I don’t know which “you” is reading this post, but I hope that you will consider this:

Questioning what BJU has taught you is going to be painful. Not questioning what they have taught you will also be painful. You cannot avoid pain in this situation, but you can make sure that the pain for what you believe in, truly and deeply. You can make sure the pain is worth it in the end and that you won’t regret the things you’ve done because you were too scared to take a second look.

If what BJU has taught is true, test it. Read other sources, contradicting sources. Dive into the science and psychology. Inundate yourself in the theology. Challenge the linguistics.

Don’t read what people you agree with have to say about those contradictory sources. Go to the sources themselves. Listen, learn, and push yourself to see what they say.

Make sure that the position you take is going to be worth the price it requires.

That’s all I ask of you, and that’s exactly what BJU doesn’t want you to do.

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