(a series in three parts)

by Dr. Tim Tyson

Part One   |   Part Two   |   Part Three

The Other

I was beginning to see that fundamentalism always needs an “other”– something to fear, something to judge as evil, something from which to separate. Fundamentalism needs to tear down the “other” so as to be superior without actually doing the hard work of lifelong metamorphosis. This peculiar need defines the fundamentalist brand and gives it meaning and purpose. This is the mean bully in the school yard trying to make himself look better by beating up the little guy. This is the shortcut, the oldest trick in the book, I spoke about in part one. This lifestyle choice diverts attention away from each of us doing the extremely hard work of living our lives in true rebirth. Instead, fundamentalists focus their attention on separation, dismissive condemnation and hateful bullying (to name only a few), which isolates them and renders their efforts not just culturally irrelevant but harmful.

Yet, deep within me, I felt compelled to demonstrate some level of love – to at least care. My fundamentalist mindset of focusing on how I was different from “other” people did nothing to empower me to be an agent of compassion, help, and caring. In fact, this worldview actively hurt people, real people with real, difficult, complex problems.

The religious teachings that began in my life with “Jesus loves me” had become exclusionary, all about me, and focused on separating from differences, from the people who “lived in sin,” even from other people of faith who disagreed with the ultra conservative religious teachings I had been taught – those “liberal apostates.” I didn’t want this. This wasn’t who I believed I was nor who I was meant to be. I began my effort to live in ways that were committed to focusing on how we are all alike, not different. This was a very different (and frankly very difficult) lifestyle choice. When in conflict with another person, can I keep a meaningful connection with them, keep them in community, by focusing my attention more on what we share in common?

I was beginning a journey of understanding that love was not enough for the religious fundamentalists even though acts of love are the very first step in making this world a better place by actually helping others. Love had been supplanted by fear, the fear of not knowing how to truly help someone in very real need, the fear of being wrong about faith practice, the fear of “different,” the fear that something bad could even happen to “good” people unless “good” people blame “evildoers” for their plight, the fear of the very difficult and time-intensive work of accepting all of God’s children even when we don’t begin to understand them, the fear of radical empathy, the fear of having to personally deeply engage with fashioning one’s own moral compass, the fear of authentic and reflective living, the fear of not having our needs met or even knowing what those needs may really be, and, ultimately, the fear of ourselves.

In today’s fundamentalist lifestyle, fear has crippled the work of love.

In fact, I was taught that living our lives from a place of love was actually dangerous. I recall Dr. Bob Jones, Jr., thundering that love alone would make us weak, make us “flabby,” make us liberal–as if nothing except for homosexuality could be worse. What the world often needed was “tough love.” Tough love was love mixed with some conditions, maybe even throw in some hate–but still call it love. If you don’t meet these conditions, then you will not receive our love, or our limited understanding of God’s love, our compassion, or our limited understanding of God’s compassion, our acceptance, or our limited understanding of God’s acceptance. Instead, you will be cast out of community to become the “other,” to become separate. This isn’t love at all. There are no degrees to love. It’s true love or it’s simply something else. This type of faith practice is beginning to sound more like the behavior of miffed and spiteful adolescent girls getting even than an act of mature love.

The already very thin line, if one exists at all, between “Love the sinner.” and “Hate the sin.” faded very quickly into “Love the sinner as long as s/he adheres to your rules. Hate the sin.” And if the sinner refuses to or simply can’t go by your rules? What then? “Compromising” (rethinking) our definition of “righteousness” (that ever-growing list of rules) certainly was never an option. Instead, decry people’s failed efforts or inability to go by the narrowly prescribed lifestyle (set of rules) as a lack of faith on their part thereby making everything “their fault?” Then it’s easier to hate the person too? Throw your own family members, even your children, out of the house? Disown them? The outrage is that this tough love substitution happens all of the time in the name of real love. Instead, could this tough love really be an extraordinary failure of faith? Could this constant emphasis on dogma to the exclusion of real people actually be nothing less than immoral?

“They will know we are Christians by our love” has been replaced with “They will know we are fundamentalists by our use of fear, by our hate, by our judgmental attitudes, by our dismissive condemnation, by our stubborn unwillingness to rethink the carefully prescribed dogma of our leadership, by the exceptional level of negative karma that swirls around our mean spiritedness, by our vindictiveness, by the way we demonize those we do not understand or with whom we disagree.” I think of the late Jerry Falwell’s statements roundly accompanied by Pat Robertson’s hearty affirmation that the terrorists’ attack on September 11, 2001, was God’s judgement on this nation because of gays and lesbians, the ACLU, feminists, et. al.–a statement he later said, with a broad smile, he never really believed but just used to get some media attention. [Sources include: YouTube video – Falwell and Robertson on The 700 Club after 9/11; CNN article – Falwell Apologizes to Gays, Feminists, Lesbians]

 

 
I think of the numerous, numerous times Bob Jones III, in his chapel messages — to tens of thousands of young people since 1975 — harps on, demonizing gay people; even as impressionable, young gay and lesbian students sit before him sickened with fear and deepening self-loathing, trying fervently to somehow psychotically separate themselves from themselves. Shockingly, Bob went so far as to say to an AP reporter at the White House in 1980, “I guarantee it would solve the problem post-haste if homosexuals were stoned to death…” [Sign the petition demanding an apology for this remark.]  Such statements open the door to violence and murder. Would Bob really want to advocate that this country pass a Ugandan-styled “Kill the Gays” bill in the USA? According to many, that bill has its roots in US fundamentalism. (Sources include: YouTube video: Rachel Maddow – Rick Warren Forced Out of Silence on Uganda; Book: The Family: The Secret Fundamentalism at the Heart of American Power by Jeff Sharlet) Others in this movement are advocating outlawing “the gay” in the United States. (See the final quotation in the footnotes.)] Fear is without doubt the intended response. Ripping love from the hearts of impressionable young people is the actual result. And, certainly gay people are not the only ones to feel the scourge of his fear-based, subjugating whip.

The late Oral Roberts tormented a member of his own family with his vituperative rages against gays. Oral Roberts is certainly not the only fundamentalist leader to have a gay child [and grandson; Sources include: CNN video – Oral Roberts’ gay grandson promotes ‘Gay Agenda’ tour; Details magazine article – The Amazing Story of the Televangelist and his Gay Grandson]. Tragically, his own son is among the many gay people in our country who have been driven by religious hatred and sheer terrorism to kill himself. [Sources include: NYTimes article – Oral Roberts’s Son, 37, Found Shot Dead in Car, Wikipedia article – Oral Roberts] How does a father (or mother) so separate from his own humanity–the basic humanity of parenthood?

So many other examples abound that break my heart, too many to enumerate. (A few additional examples are included as footnotes to this article.) The average, straight, church-going person can’t begin to understand being taught to hate themselves while sitting in the pews of their own church. The church simply would never be able to get away with this outrageous behavior against any other minority group.

Fear. Subjugation. Power. Influence. Money.

Is love enough?

Well, God is love.

So, the question really is: is God enough?

Lost Opportunity

BJUnity.org documents the fact that many gay and lesbian young people are raised in the fear-mongering fundamentalist movement. Despite being tormented by what I now perceive to be a very mangled, damaging, and wholly insufficient practice of faith, these people survive, but the damage done to them is often incomprehensible. BJUnity presents, in their own words, the individual journeys of some of these brave and courageous people, people of all ages. As I have been privileged to begin to get to know some of them through their stories, I have been impressed with how hard they strive, despite the religious abuse they have suffered, to live authentic and spiritual lives, many having no role models or mentors to shine any light on their difficult journeys, journeys that are being hewn from the hard rock of judgmental hatred while fighting back the relentless, oppressive scourge of fear, bullying, and hatred born of religious extremism.

Some have been disowned by their parents and cannot return home. [Homeless gay children present one of the greatest and most pressing problems facing the gay community today. Sources include: Upworthy article – One Of The Biggest Challenges Facing Gay People Isn’t Marriage Equality] Some have contemplated, even attempted suicide. All have been abandoned by their original churches (communities) unless they find some way to get rid of “the gay.” Probably all have tried. Despite their best efforts at recovering a full sense of self, most still live with the emotional pain of their religious abuse, of subjugation. These are courageous stories of the strength of the human spirit against malevolent forces of darkness propagated by people who have convinced themselves of their own peculiar sense of “righteousness.”

As you read their stories here at BJUnity, I ask you to consider the incalculable cost of lost opportunity. Each of these stories represents a tremendous amount of life energy invested in healing the damage, the scars, caused by abusive, religious extremists who teach that love is not enough. Each represents a human soul grappling with the most fundamental question of life, “Can I be loved just as I am–as I really am?” What rich additional gifts would these young men and women give the world if they were not forced to spend their resources recovering from the abuse they received at the hands of a religious extremism steeped in fear, hate and subjugation?

The tragic, sickening irony is that the very purpose of faith practice is to empower people to live life fully and wholly. People trust that the church will enlighten their path and provide a support network of love and community. Fundamentalism is not just squandering this essential mission, the fundamentalists’ use of fear and hatred is actively destroying individuals and families, carving out the very substance of human soul.

The fundamentalist movement has a century of lost opportunity for which to account. And while they are fully aware of this fact, and know how to stop their abusive, hate-filled behaviors, they consciously choose not to do so. Their extremism requires an “other,” a mysterious, invisible, horrifying “agenda” that can serve as the representation of evil and a motivation for fundraising. Make no mistake: I personally believe fundamentalist leadership actually has blood on its hands.

I would like to see the leadership in fundamentalist faith stop lying (like Jerry Falwell admitted to doing to gain media attention). I would like to see people in fundamentalism stop arrogantly dismissing others with the caustic words and hateful actions of condemnation. I would like to see fundamentalists stop bullying people. I would like to see their faith practice truly and fully embrace love – embrace God. I would like to see them trust more in the transforming love of their own God.

I would like to see these sometimes well-intentioned people just be nice to others and stop trying to force others to live by their narrow lifestyle of choice. You see, being gay is not a lifestyle choice, but choosing a hateful faith practice and trying to force others to live miserably by it is. I would like their lifestyle of choice to be so filled with the abundance of love and faith as to be irresistible on its own merits without the need for fear, hatred, and subjugation.

Concluding Thoughts

I only suspect I know the answer to Henry’s question, “Is racism hard-wired into the human DNA, or is it a learned behavior?” But I definitely believe that love is hard-wired into the human condition. To cut love out of the human heart because of religious extremism is an act of savagery – it is utterly inhumane. Every instance in which love is diminished in the human heart, misery and hurt replace it. To deny ourselves or others giving and receiving love, unconditional love, is to deny ourselves and others God.

And to those who have been or continue to be victimized by fear, hate, and subjugation in whatever forms it has taken (or is taking) in your life: I offer you encouragement! Continue to reach to live the life that makes you your best, authentic self. Don’t allow a narrow, misguided religious lifestyle to push you so far away from what you find so religiously repulsive that you unexpectedly find yourself trapped by self-destructive patterns of thinking and addictive behaviors of escape that do not at all represent the (gay or straight) man or woman Love would have you be–not your very best and most beautiful self. Take great care of yourself, especially when misguided religious people don’t! Love yourself as Love has made you and will continue to make you. Seek out a loving community that accepts you as God, in God’s infinite goodness, has made you —gay and all.

Don’t allow victimization to isolate you or arrest your life in a place of hurt and resentment. This is basically what fundamentalism does. Their teachings displace the resentment you feel for their peculiar habits of thinking with a resentment of yourself as God made you – simply someone who is gay. Shocking news alert: having gay people on this planet is just not a big deal. But, hurting people with a dogma of dismissive condemnation, hatred, fear, and subjugation — now, that’s big, that’s actually huge. The actions of fundamentalist faith practice are the behaviors that tear at the fabric of society and distract the nation from seeing the ongoing failures of a faith practice that, time and time and time again, has proven incapable of helping real people with the really big difficulties in our country. (Tragically, the places where fundamentalism is the strongest are the very places facing the greatest suffering on the widest number of measures: poverty, lack of education, divorce, murder, STD/HIV/AIDS, teen pregnancy, single parent homes, infant mortality, and obesity to name a few. Sources include those listed in this blog post: The Actual State of Marriage in the US)

At times in our lives we may not be able to walk very far away from the hurt of these hate-filled life experiences born of religious fanaticism, but we can always take one more simple step toward the bright light of love and loving community. Dan Savage has it right: It does get better. [Sources include: YouTube videos – It Gets Better Project] Do your best to look beyond the emotional pain of any given moment and take the longer view.

Reach!

Hate-filled energy doesn’t just magically go away. Use it as a catalyst to propel yourself toward a beautiful life, the life that can only be yours. My wonderful friend, Dan Marvin, says it best: “The greatest revenge is a life well lived.” Indeed, I think he is right. The life-long process of continuing to become our best selves is a fierce one. Being your very best gay self by kindling love on the inside and on the outside is a life-long challenge that makes this world a better place because you are in it doing the work of love!

Love God with all of your heart. Love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus himself said these two, and nothing else, are the greatest commandments. His words focus on what we have in common and on community.

Actually, this is three commandments when you unpack that second commandment: Love yourself [gay, straight or anything in between]. Love your neighbor [gay, straight or anything in between] no less than you love yourself. The tragic probability is that many fundamentalists are taught such self-loathing (I call it the “lowly worm syndrome” —see the lyrics from At The Cross by Isaac Watts, written in 1885 and sung to this day.) that these people are probably demonstrating how little they actually love themselves by how little they are capable of loving others. Their religiously-stoked fears choke the quality of their own lives, diminishing what God actually wants for them as well. Those who hate also become victims of their own hate. Everyone loses when love is displaced. Everyone.

Your loving yourself as God made you is, despite their small-mindedness, a bright light in their otherwise lugubrious view of God’s expansive world from which they try to separate. Your little light shines hope into their dismal lifestyle engulfed in hate, fear, and subjugation. Without any effort on your part, your beautiful light calls to them, becomes a beacon that could bring them back to healthy community and may well be the only thread they have connecting them to reality. Well-lived, that love shines the light of day on any bigotry masquerading as faith practice. Your authenticity could be, hopefully will be in time, the beginning of their own metamorphosis. Over the past decades, I have seen this happen time and time again.

About that lifestyle choice… You see, we all, both gay and straight, make a lifestyle choice. We can all choose to strive to practice a lifestyle that demonstrates that Love well lived, and simply that alone, is sufficient. This is actually a lifestyle of faith.

__________
Additional Footnotes of Religious Bigotry, Hatred, Subjugation, and Disinformation Include:

“The videos are entitled ‘It Gets Better.’ They are aimed at persuading kids that, although they’ll face struggles, and perhaps bullying from ‘coming out’ as homosexual or transgendered or some other perversion, life will get better. Can you imagine George Washington, Ronald Reagan, or any other president telling school children that it’s okay to be immoral and that they’ll eventually feel better about it? It’s disgusting.”

–Tony Perkins, Family Research Council
–Source: August, 2011, Fundraising letter from Tony Perkins

“Dads, the second you see you son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist. Man up. Give him a good punch.”

–Sermon by Pastor Sean Harris
–Source: YouTube video

“AIDS is not just God’s punishment for homosexuals; it is God’s punishment for the society that tolerates homosexuals.”

–Jerry Falwell
–Source: Wikipedia article – Jerry Falwell

“Homosexual behavior violates God’s intentional design for gender and sexuality. We affirm the scriptural teaching that homosexuals can and do change their sexual identity.”

–Focus on the Family
–Source: Focus on the Family website

“Homosexuality gave us Adolph Hitler, and homosexuals in the military gave us the Brown Shirts, the Nazi war machine, and six million dead Jews.”

–Bryan Fischer, American Family Association
–Source: Southern Poverty Law Center

“I think that the Supreme Court decision in Lawrence v. Texas which overturned the sodomy laws in this country was wrongly decided. I think there would be a place for criminal sanctions against homosexual behavior.” Matthews: “So we should outlaw gay behavior?” Sprigg: “Yes.”

–Peter Sprigg, Family Research Council
–Source: Hardball MSNBC (February 2, 2010) [YouTube video: Peter Sprigg of Family Research Council: “Gay Sex Should Be Banned”.]

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About the author:

Tim Tyson graduated from Bob Jones University in 1979 (B.S.) and again in 1981 (M.A.). He went on to earn his doctoral degree from the University of Illinois. He then had to earn an additional master’s degree from the U of I because BJU is unaccredited and his undergraduate and master’s degrees were not recognized by state teacher certification agencies without a master’s degree from an accredited institution. He lives in Sausalito, CA, with his husband, Steve.