BJUnity

by Jenni Frencham

Jenni Frencham

Earlier this year the state of California passed a law requiring schools to allow transgender students to use the bathrooms, locker rooms, sports teams, etc. that match their gender identity and expression, rather than the gender they were assigned at birth.  While some are attempting to overturn this ruling, I am among those who rejoice that kids can grow up as themselves, without anyone else caring about what they keep in their pants. I am glad for kids like Jazz and Coy, and parents like Gendermom. If you had asked me about these same issues five years ago, I probably wouldn’t have had much of an opinion.  Still firmly entrenched in Fundamentalism, I’d likely have parroted whatever I heard from the pulpit about transgender persons, which at that point was nothing.

Last week during the anti-gay chapels at Bob Jones University, there was little mention made of the “T” in “LGBT.” The one time transgender issues came up, the speaker acknowledged that being born transgender is indeed a possibility, but that transgender individuals need to be content with the gender God created them to be.

Even now, I’ve noticed that many LGBT+ groups forget about the T.  As a cisgender person myself, it would be easy for me to ignore this minority within a minority, except for one thing: I am married to a transman.  For those who need a definition, the person I refer to as “my wife” was assigned the female gender at birth, but realized recently that he is, in fact, male.  What his brain is telling him doesn’t match up with what his body tells everyone else.

I can’t imagine forcing my spouse back into the mold that has ill fit him since he was born. Already things are a bit more complicated for us than for others.  I use “he” and “him” when referring to my spouse at home, but “she” and “her” when we are in public.  He’s not yet comfortable assuming a male identity.  He thinks he isn’t trans enough, or man enough, to take on that gender.  I know he cringes inside when people refer to us as “ladies.”

So I notice a lot more than I used to.  I notice when applications for things as innocuous as a store savings card require the applicant to select a gender. I am frustrated along with him that so many parts of our language are gender-based, and that we don’t have a singular gender-neutral pronoun that people could use when unsure of a person’s preferred pronouns. I notice when bathrooms are labeled based on a person’s genitalia and there are no “family” restrooms available.  I helped my spouse pore over our health insurance paperwork, weighing the cost of various companies in light of the many appointments, treatments, and possible surgeries that are in his future.  I hurt for him when his mother insists on referring to him by his birth name.  I held him and cried with him when we concluded that some of his preexisting medical conditions might preclude him from hormone therapy.

For these reasons and a dozen others, I am glad there is a Transgender Day of Remembrance.  The trans* community is an often-neglected subset of the LGBTQ+ community, and this needs to change.  The tide has begun to turn on the rights of gay and lesbian people.  Now we need to rally around those who are trans* or gender non-conforming and assert that they, too, are human beings and deserve to be loved, accepted, and supported.  As my spouse often says, “We all have baggage.  The key is to find someone who will help you carry yours.”

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Ed. Note: A shocking number of transgender people lose their lives each year in brutal crimes. In the past year, according to the Transgender Day of Remembrance site, the following people were murdered:

Fernanda Queiroz
Cause of death: beaten to death, (multiple blows to the head), body burned.
Location:  Cuiabá, Mato Grosso, Brazil
Date of death: November 21st, 2012
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Yeison Ramirez Acosta (age:22)
Cause of death: multiple stab wounds to the face, chest, and abdomen
Location:  Avenida Lequerica Velez Magangue, Bolivar, Colombia
Date of death: December 2012
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Dicky Othman
Cause of death: hands and legs bound, and her mouth stuffed with a piece of cloth
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Date of death: December 4th, 2012
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Renato Espinosa Reyes (age:23)
Cause of death: multiple gunshot wounds
Location:  Toluca, Mexico
Date of death: December 5, 2012
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Gunce Hatun
Cause of death: stabbed in the chest
Location:  Beylikdüzü, Istanbul,Turkey
Date of death: December 12, 2012
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Camila
Cause of death: beheaded and burned with partner in their home
Location:  Novo Gama, Goiás, Brazil
Date of death: December 24, 2012
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Dalvalei José Alves Pereira (age:37)
Cause of death: beheaded and burned with trans partner in their home
Location:  Novo Gama, Goiás, Brazil
Date of death: December 24, 2012
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Evon Young (age:22)
Cause of death: tied up, beaten with fists and other objects, choked with a chain, had a bag taped over his head, shot, set on fire, and discarded into a dumpster.
Location:   Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Date of death: December 24, 2012

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Nicole Galisteu
Cause of death: Gunshot
Location:  Santa Cândida, Curitiba, Paraná, Brazil
Date of death: January 8, 2013
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Daniel Mendoza Ricardo Macias (age:23)
Cause of death: multiple stab wounds.
Location:  Montemorelos, Nuevo León, Mexico
Date of death: January 9, 2013
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“Tiffany” Wesley Holder (age:19)
Cause of death: multiple stab wounds.
Location:  Georgetown, Guyana
Date of death: January 11, 2013
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unknown woman
Cause of death: stoned, stabbed in the neck with a broken bottle.
Location: Jaboatão Guararapes, Pernambuco, Brazil
Date of death: January 24th, 2013
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Karen
Cause of death: multiple stab wounds, beheaded.
Location: Zimatlán de Alvarez, Oaxaca, Mexico.
Date of death: January 28th, 2013
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Naomi Estrada (age:19)
Cause of death: two gunshots to the head and chest
Location: Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico
Date of death: Feburary 1st, 2013
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Palmira Garcia (age:37)
Cause of death: partially scalped, signs of torture, laceration to face.
Location: Las Marvales, Venezuela
Date of death: Feburary 5th, 2013
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Mônica Lewinski (age:38)
Cause of death: gunshot wound to the head
Location: Curitiba, Paraná , Brazil
Date of death: February 8th, 2013
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Joelma
Cause of death: gunshot
Location: Altos, Piauí, Brazil
Date of death: February 9th, 2013
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unidentified woman
Cause of death: seven stab wounds
Location: Gravataí, Porto Alegre, Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil
Date of death: February 24th, 2013
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unidentified woman
Cause of death: multiple gunshot wounds
Location: Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais, Brazil
Date of death: February 24th, 2013
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Stephanie (age:33)
Cause of death: Beaten and strangled to death.
Location: Embu das Artes, São Paulo, Brazil
Date of death: March 3rd, 2013
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Adán Amilcar Iglesias (age 20)
Cause of death: four gunshot wounds to the head
Location: El Carmen, Honduras
Date of death: March 4, 2013
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Cemia “CeCe” Dove (age:23)
Cause of death: multiple stab wounds, tied with a rope to a block of concrete and thrown in pond.
Location: Cleveland, Ohio, USA
Date of death: March 27th, 2013
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Kelly Young
Cause of death: Gunshot
Location: Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Date of death: April 3rd, 2013
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Ashley Sinclair
Cause of death: beaten and shot in the head.
Location: Orlando, Florida, USA
Date of death: April 11th, 2013
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Angel Francisco Martinez Gonzalez
Cause of death: beaten and shot in the head.
Location: Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico
Date of death: April 11th, 2013
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Rosa Fernando Domingues (age:36)
Cause of death: stabbed to death. Knife wounds to left eye, neck, and shoulder.
Location: São José do Rio Preto, São Paulo, Brazil.
Date of death: May 11th, 2013
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unidentified woman
Cause of death: bullet to head and leg
Location: Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais, Brazil
Date of death: May 11th, 2013
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Jorge Luciano Soares De Oliveira (age: 38)
Cause of death: blow to the head.
Location: Porto Alegre, Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil
Date of death: May 12th, 2013
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Fábio da Conceição Machado (age: 26)
Cause of death: stoning.
Location: Mumbuca, Mateiros, Tocantins, Brazil
Date of death: May 15th, 2013
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Ronald Feitosa Souza (age:26)
Cause of death: beaten to death, severe head injuries
Location: Colniza, Mato Grosso, Brazil
Date of death: May 23rd, 2013
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Fatima Woods (age:53)
Cause of death: stabbed twice in the torso
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Date of death: May 30th, 2013
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unidentified child (age: 13)
Cause of death: hanging
Location: Macaíba, Rio Grande do Norte, Brazil
Date of death: June 8th, 2013
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Otávio Nascimento Valadares (age: 20)
Cause of death: Gunshot wound to the head
Location: Cuiabá, Mato Grosso, Brazil
Date of death: June 12th, 2013
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unidentified woman
Cause of death: Gunshot wound to the head
Location: Cuiabá, Mato Grosso, Brazil
Date of death: June 25th, 2013
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unknown woman
Cause of death: Found floating in a gully
Location: Houston, Texas
Date of death: July 07th, 2013
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Dora Oezer (age:24)
Cause of death: stabbed to death
Location: Kuşadası, Turkey
Date of death: July 9th, 2013
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Jock Maurice McKinney (aka Valarie)
Cause of death: a single gunshot wound to the lower body.
Location: Shreveport,Louisiana
Date of death: July 12th, 2013
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Diamond Williams (age:31)
Cause of death: dismembered, and body parts thrown in a field.
Location: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Date of death: July 14th, 2013
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Natália Sotero (age:20)
Cause of death: gunshots
Location of death: Curitiba, Paraná, Brazil
Date of death: July 17th, 2013
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Rafael da Silva Tavares (age:21)
Cause of death: six gunshots
Location of death: Baixada Fluminense, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Date of death: July 19th, 2013
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Dwayne Jones (age 16)
Cause of death: beaten, stabbed, shot & run over by a car.
Location: Montego Bay, Jamaica
Date of death: July 22nd, 2013
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Mylene (age:42)
Cause of death: blugeoned to death with a hammer
Location of death: Limoges, France
Date of death: July 24th, 2013
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Gaye
Cause of death: strangulation
Location: Istanbul, Turkey
Date of death: July 29th, 2013
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Valeria (age:30)
Cause of death: Beaten to death with sticks
Location of death: Conceição do Lago-Açu, Maranhão, Brazil
Date of death: August 1st, 2013
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unknown woman
Cause of death: Stoning, skull crushed.
Location of death: Téofilo Otoni, Minas Gerais, Brazil.
Date of death: August 11th, 2013
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Islan Nettles (age:21)
Cause of death: blunt force trauma
Location: Harlem, Manhattan, New York City, New York, USA
Date of death: August 17th, 2013
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Joales dos Santos (age:22)
Cause of death: gunshot at close range to left breast.
Location of death: Parnaíba, Piauí, Brazil
Date of death: August 18, 2013
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Domonique Newburn (age:31)
Cause of death: multiple stab wounds.
Location: Fontana, California, USA
Date of death: August 20th, 2013
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Wagner Paula Rodrigues (age:42)
Cause of death: Stoning
Location of death: Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais, Brazil
Date of death: August 24th, 2013
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unidentified woman
Cause of death: Severe head injuries, body thrown under a truck
Location: Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais, Brazil
Date of death: August 28, 2013
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Artegus Konyale Madden (age:37)
Cause of death: Gunshot wound to the neck
Location: Savannah, Texas
Date of death: September 1st, 2013
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Terry Golston
Cause of death: Gunshot
Location: Shreveport,Louisiana
Date of death: September 6, 2013
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Melony Smith (age:28)
Cause of death: stabbed twice in the torso
Location: Baldwin Park, California
Date of death: September 9th, 2013
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“Maiara” Castro Da Silva (age:23)
Cause of death: unknown, body dumped, in advanced state of decomposition
Location:  Porto Velho, Rondônia, Brazil
Date of death: September 9th, 2013
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unknown woman
Cause of death: gunshot
Location: Goiânia, Goiás, Brazil
Date of death: September 11th, 2013
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Hilary Molina Mendiola
Cause of death: thrown naked from a bridge
Location: Mexico City, Mexico
Date of death: September 22nd, 2013
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unidentified woman
Cause of death: 4 gunshot wounds
Location: Santa Rita, Paraíba, Brazil
Date of death: September 24th, 2013
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Eyricka Morgan (age:26)
Cause of death: stabbing
Location: New Brunswick, New Jersey, United States.
Date of death: September 24th, 2013
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Brunete Nascimento Chagas (age:22)
Cause of death:head trauma, beaten to death with sticks
Location: Marituba, Pará, Brazil
Date of death: October 06th, 2013
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Natascha (age:27)
Cause of death: Gun shot wound
Location: Várzea Grande, Mato Grosso, Brazil
Date of death: October 10th, 2013
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S. Athiswaran (age:31)
Cause of death: Multiple stab wounds, hands and legs were tied with a string, face was also covered with plastic
Location: Bagan Ajam, Penang, Malaysia
Date of death: October 13, 2013
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unknown woman
Cause of death: strangled, body dumped in a pasture
Location: Sertanópolis, Paraná, Brazil
Date of death: October 14th, 2013
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unknown woman
Cause of death: stabbed in the neck
Location: Manaus, Amazonas, Brazil
Date of death: October 18th, 2013
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unknown woman
Cause of death: Gunshot wound
Location: Parnamirim, Rio Grande do Norte, Brazil
Date of death: October 23rd, 2013
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Amari White
Cause of death: multiple gunshot wounds
Location: Richmond, Virginia, USA
Date of death: November 9th, 2013