BJUnity

Homosexual choice, or what about the B in LGBT?

Actress Cynthia Nixon’s recent controversial statement to the New York Times has sparked a furor of debate within Christian circles in the past few days. Cynthia said “I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay. Gay is better,” to a room-full of gay men and women at a benefit.

“Well, if Cynthia Nixon can choose to be gay, they must all have chosen to be” or so the argument goes.

In fundamentalism, where anxiety and shame about even “normal” heterosexuality within the context of marriage is the norm, where the dominant philosophy that sex outside of marriage “will permanently scar you,” it is, perhaps, unsurprising that panic at the notion that people are born homosexual causes many to cling desperately to any “proof” that they can use to argue against the prevailing psychological theories and the most common experience among gay people that same-sex attraction is something discovered early in the process of development, whether its causes be genetic, prenatal, environmental or some combination of those things.

The truth is, sexuality is complex for each individual. It connects us with primal emotional need and spiritual unity. Genesis 2:18 tells us why: “it is not good for a man to be alone.” Sexuality is a beautiful gift of intimacy between two people. It serves a procreative role, surely, — not really an important concern to a population that is teeming and whose mortality rates are at an all-time low — but it also serves as a means of deep connection, of play, of release, and of comfort. In the context of a loving relationship, such intimacy can be a breath-taking expression of deep love. It is not good for a human to be alone.

So what about this idea that people can be attracted to either sex? Like many gay men, when I first came out, I identified as bisexual. It was a little lie I told myself to ease the pain of acknowledging my homosexuality aloud and publicly. While others can be attracted to men and women, I am not. Of this I am certain. Cynthian Nixon once chose to love a man. Now she chooses to love a woman. I say that’s wonderful. I celebrate the diversity of human experience in God’s world. Whether she uses the label bisexual or not, we are talking about her love. About her not being alone.

So yes, homosexuals have a choice. I have a choice. My choice was to either continue to live a lie about who I am or to be honest. My choice was to suppress my natural urges for the most part, occasionally finding that they would surface in destructive and personally shameful ways, or to attempt to integrate my passion and my love within my whole person. My choice was to either remain alone and afraid or to risk everything to embrace love.

I choose honesty. I choose integrity. I choose love.

If you are reading this post and you face a similar choice to mine, I urge you to choose wisely. It is not good for you to be alone. And you are not alone.

Choose love. For you.

Jeffrey Hoffman
provisional Executive Director
lgbt-BJU.org