Steve Shamblin
In August 1999, I was months away from my 36th birthday. I had spent half of my life, 18 years, on the campus of BJU. I was a graduate of BJU—BA in art in 1985 and MS in counseling in 1997. I was taking additional courses toward the educational doctorate program. I had been on staff at BJU since graduation in 1985, and I had been the Business Office Manager for several years. I had taught as part-time art faculty. I was married with three children. And I was gay—I am gay.
I had spent 18 years at BJU. I had sat through those last couple of years of the IRS court case. I was in chapel the day that the verdict against the University was announced. I had heard Bob Jones, Jr.’s imprecatory prayer against Alexander Haig. I sat through sermons defending the biblical “principle” of keeping the races separate, and thus, the ban against interracial dating. (Even though Bob Jones III claimed that it was a non-issue at the university, interracial dating had defined who BJU was and they made sure the students knew it. And if it were such a non-issue, why did they spend so many years fighting the IRS and government over it? But that is another thread.)
I also sat through the sermons decrying “the homosexuals” and the gay plague of the 1980s. Many sermons were given. Many offhanded comments were made by administration. Many radio-hall meetings denounced all things sexual, especially masturbation. As I have said many times since my leaving those religious realms, there was more talk of sex in that place than I have heard since I have moved out into the “world.”
Knowing I was gay, my constant prayer was for God to remove that from me. It was preached that homosexual desire was misplaced lust. The remedy was a proper relationship, a heterosexual relationship, a married relationship. I was married the year after graduating from the university, shortly after I had become a staff member. I had met a girl my freshman year; we had become best friends. We dated (well, as much as anyone could on campus) for 4 ½ years. We knew each other. Except I never let her know of my “problem.”
It was a continual fight; it was a losing fight. I must not be praying hard enough. I must not really be saved. I could not get around it. I liked guys; I wanted to be with guys. I would see guys or pictures of guys in magazines and fantasize. I would repent and try to “get victory” over this area. I would read my Bible even more. I never acted on anything because I knew I would get caught—and I was married.
I remember one time that Greenville City Council was passing a resolution that announced that gays were not welcome in Greenville. The university announced it, and I went. Not in support of the resolution, but in my curiosity to “see” what other gays looked like. As I saw there, they were not the wicked, evil scum of the earth, but they were regular people like those at the university—like me. I remember leaving that meeting, and as we got outside, the rain had turned into a rainbow. I remember to this day that one of the gay guys (he had a shirt on that identified him as such) made a comment that “That is OUR rainbow. God’s promise to all of us. Someday, it will be different.”
That is why the LGBT-BJU.org is such an important part of my life now. Things HAVE to be different. Just the other evening, a very good friend whom I greatly respect quoted the verse “And of some have compassion, making a difference.” My colleagues at school recently said that I am all about Human Right issues, and I am very much so. But in this case, it goes beyond Human Rights. Students sit in chapel and classrooms everyday being belittled and degraded for whom they are. The powers that be criticize and judge; the bible is open to only their interpretation. This organization is about empowering the individual to be happy, to offer the support needed to make personal decisions, to lend the shoulder to cry on, to educate those who only spout the “party” line of fundamentalism, and to exercise the great commandment of loving our neighbor. In other words— to make a difference because things do get better. Our God is so much bigger than the limited God of fundamentalists.
14 comments
Be sure to check back tomorrow to meet another of our LGBT-BJU friends.
Incredible story. Thank you, Steve.
Thanks for making a difference Steve! Your story and presense offers compassion to all of us and all who will find a safe place here.
Steve, your story brought tears to my eyes, and memories. We graduated the same year. I seem to recall hearing your name. 🙂 I defnitely remember the harangues from the chapel pulpit. One in particular has stuck in my craw ever since I heard it-BJIII got up one day and informed the guys that they had permission to beat up any guys they found to be in a gay relationship. I remember thinking how harsh that was as a Christian, even for him, to say! It haunts me to this day.
I came to accept myself as a lesbian several years ago. As you have, I tried to pray it away, was prayed over, studied hard, joined an ex-gay group years ago, and begged God to change me. All to no avail.
About 7 years ago, I decided I’d heard and knew enough about the ex-gay side of things, and I wanted to know the ‘other side’ of the argument. Boy, was I surprised to find that much more actual research had been done in studying Bible passages, and I learned a lot of what the Bible really has to say, and NOT say, about gays and lesbians. And, boy, did I get the party line when I told some family that I was gay! Thank God for a best friend that has given me unconditional love over these past few years.
I have been gone from BJU since I graduated from school, but that environment, and having grown up in a similar environment, has haunted me for years. I struggle every day to be free from the bonds of lies and hate, and live a life of truth and integrity midst the heterosexual world I currently live in.
I have been married for 22 years and have 2 young children. I married a preacher’s son, no less! I came out to my husband several years ago, for which he has been highly unhappy. But, being entrenched in the church tradition of being anti-gay, he remains commited to commitment in marriage, and has been divisive about my children should I ever breathe a word about leaving. For my children’s sake, ( and lately, financial reasons) i have remained in the marriage. Not a happy or good one, but apparently my husband holds hope out that I will some day ‘repent’.
I was thrilled to find this site, and hope that it grows and expands as grads find it.
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Steve, it’s such an honor to know you. You have a compelling story and a great heart.
Love you, brother!!
Hi – just joined this. Very briefly, I grew up with BJ shoved down my throat. I graduated from the Academy in ’75 and went three years to the university until I had enough. I got married, my daughter is 24 and I was divorced in 2000. My ex-husband and I worked at BJU Press for 7 years and my daughter went to the elementary school. I finally decided to accept myself and at the age of 42 came out. I have been in a commited relationship with my partner for 12 years. As my sister said to me 12 years ago that I need to be true myself. It took me from the age of 7 to the age of 42 to be true to myself. The real kicker in my story is that my father is on the Executive Board of Bob Jones University as of about 10 years ago and has been on the active board, since the year of my birth, 1957. Let me say the the IBF and BJU really wreaked havoc on me. My parents say that love me but I don’t see it at all. Oh well…
Jen Kirk
Powerful story Steve! Thanks so much for sharing this. Blessings on you my brother. I love you.
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I was so touched by your story for that is my story. I graduated in 1971 and got married because it was the thing to do.
I am now divorced and shunned by my children. My faith has not wavered but I am happy finally to be who I was created to be. God does not make mistakes.
Hey Steve I really hope that you found love and acceptance. Only someone that spent as much time on BJU campus as us could know that more questions than answers are the result. Its funny that many more people experience Christ after leaving. Great memories of you.