Shannan McPherson
As a straight mother of three, you may not think I fit the demographics of someone who would be posting on this blog but after reading the other posts I found I could relate to their feelings and experiences on many levels, especially in regards to the confusion and damage wrought by extremism.
You see, I too am a recovering fundamentalist and I attended Bob Jones University. I have a gay brother and a gay son, and have spent years “coming out” of the legalism and fundamentalism that kept me submissive, judgmental and guilt-ridden.
I am the oldest of five children raised in a very fundamentalist family and church in Northern California. I tried to always be the perfect Christian girl. I loved the Lord and wanted to do everything “right.” I was at church all the time, read the Bible and prayed every day, and was still a virgin when I married.
I accepted all of Bob Jones University’s doctrines without question, even though they were even a bit more extreme than what I was used to. Thinking “outside the box” was not an option. We took the scriptures literally, and had little tolerance for those who didn’t. That atmosphere of extremism fostered a lot of pride in our own spirituality and, sadly, an equal level of condemnation for any who didn’t share our beliefs.
We were right and everyone else was wrong, or so we were taught to think.
The beginning of the end of my fundamentalism happened in 1987 when my husband, whom I had met at BJU, left me. I was “living for the Lord” and we were both highly involved in our church. I couldn’t understand how this could happen. After all, I had done everything “right.”
What I learned was that God gives us all “free will,” no matter how hard others may pray. I began to question the validity of what I’d been taught because I didn’t feel I had to spend the rest of my life in loneliness based on circumstances that were out of my control. I chose to hold my head high and move on. Slowly but surely, the guilt and the bonds of my fundamentalism began to fall off.
Then, in 1995, my brother “came out.” Our parents freaked out. They believe that homosexuality is sin and represents depravity. As I looked back on my brother’s life, I came to believe that he had been born gay – it was not a choice. There were always “signs,” we just had not seen them.
I knew I loved my brother and that nothing could change that. He had been through so much in his own life, having been in a heterosexual marriage for seven years, raising a disabled son, and having the courage to put family relationships on the line in order to be honest about who and what he truly was. I not only love him, I am extremely proud of him. In 1997, he had a Holy Union with his male partner, and I walked him down the aisle.
Ten years ago, my then-18-year old son, who was born at Barge Memorial Hospital on the BJU campus, came out. I am so thankful he felt comfortable and had the courage to do this without first spending years being ashamed and trying to hide his true self. He is an intelligent, happy man who is comfortable with who he is. He is now doing his medical residency in psychiatry. I’m proud of him for wanting to help others get the care they need to overcome the physical and emotional issues that can make their own and their families’ lives unpredictable and often unbearable.
Even though I have turned away from many of my previous beliefs, I still believe that we are all created in the image of God. And God must be a very fabulous, loving, talented individual to have created such a rainbow full of colorful people. We need to celebrate this diversity and love each other instead of judging and inciting hatred for anyone who doesn’t believe our particular brand of dogma.
I thank everyone in LGBT-BJU.org for their courage, and hope others – whatever their sexual identity or personal journey – will have the courage to both embrace their faith and the differences we see in one another.
16 comments
Shannan,
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Your love shines forth through it.
Steve
Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve found, in many ways, the fundamentalist closet harder from which to come out, than the sexuality closet.
Shannon – your acceptance of your brother, your son, and your life is a shining example. Thank you for your support of this group. I hope your story is inspiring for many straight people in fundamentalist who struggle to accept their gay family members. Many blessings.
A coming our story from a slightly different perspective today.
Thank you Shannon for sharing a different side of the story. I cried reading it and hope it will help many who are in similar circumstances. Thank you!!!
Shannan,
I’ve known your brother, nephew and brother-in-law for 20 years. I watched you walk him down the isle. Your strength, courage, understanding, and articulate expression of support here for your family and all of humankind is remarkable! Whether they be straight or gay, Christian or other, I hope your story acts as an encouragement to all who read it to consider an introspection of their own beliefs. Thank you!
Shannon, thanks for sharing with us! It’s good to know people like you are out there, supporting us. You would be quite the example, altho controvertial, were you to meet MY conservatvie family. 🙂
oops, spell your name wrong? so sorry!
thank you shannon!!
Hey there Shannan I’m proud we’ve been friends almost 7 years now. You are a beacon of hope to more people than you’ll ever even know. All my love to you and your family and I can’t wait to meet Jeff!
Such a beautiful story!! Thanks so much for sharing.
I know Shannon’s brother and brother in law – I’m not surprised that she would write this, and that her compassion and her love of God and family are so strong, because I have seen that reflected in her family members. I hope lgbtbju joins OneWheaton and other groups to get your message out to younger students who feel alone and confused.
What a powerful story from someone who gets it. Thank you Shannan for joining our blog and sharing your story!
Thank you Shannan for sharing your story. You are an example of the power of God’s love in action. Not only have you shared your faith, but you have demonstrated that faith by your actions in the world. What an inspiration – thank you!
I am pleased to meet you Dan and Shannan. I had a son expelled from BJU for writing via campus mail to a female friend on campus about feelings he had for another female student.He never shared his crush with the other student but BJU felt that he might try and have sex w/her because he admitted liking her a lot. He was 8 weeks from the end of the semester and was finally passing math! He loved BJU so much,as did I,and could not believe that someone would open a letter clearly addressed to another student(they said it was a mistake).They said that he could come back when he could prove to them that his relationship to God was more important than anything else. He never did go back,which maybe was a blessing from God himself. That began my journey out of the “Fundamentalist Closet”. I still suffer from the loss of innocence and am often confused as to my place in the christian world. I don’t mean to take away from the significance of your experience Dan, but we do share a common bond- scars from the religion of self righteousness.You sound so happy ,I have hope! Thank you for sharing your story!
Shannon,
The love of God is so broad and inclusive. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I beleive your heart is also the heart of God. Blessings!!